That brings me to this. How do you know that you have found the one that you can't live without? How do you know that he is simply "The one" well I will lay it out the best way from my angle as I possibly can. Maybe then too he can learn to trust me more if he sees how much that I"m not bull shitting and I want to be with him and him alone.
1) When he makes you smile when he walks in the room.
2) When he makes you want to be more then you already are.
3) Introduces you to new things in life and that you enjoy them (ie: role playing & some of his music)
4) When you are not near him he is all that you can think about.
5) You enjoy feeling his embrace at night in bed.
6) When he smiles you smile
7) When you enjoy doing little things for him like cleaning the house, doing his laundry, cooking breakfast and dinner for him.
8) To see the joy on his face when he does something nice for you.
9) Without saying a word at all you look at each other and it's like you are having a conversation.
10) when both of your friends see you together and notice something different about you when we are together.
11) When you sense another guy hitting on your man you get jealous and you want to beat that other guy down with a stick :)
12) When you have a feeling that you can't put into words about this man :)
13) When you are planning your future in your head with this man in the picture.
14) When you are picturing your wedding day :)
15) When you are willing to fight no matter who or what tries to come between the two of us.
So I have read Ray's previous post and they hadn't upset me in anyway. They only thing I wish is that he sees that I have been trying to be a better partner on my end and trust me when I say I'm truly in love with him. I know he needs to vent as well as I do. Though my venting is more of declaring my LOVE for this man. I know that I'm not his typical guy he goes for, I"m not the sharpest tool in the shed at times, My social gracious need some fine tuning, I'm not a big fan of all of his music, He at times doesn't have the best of moods, I'm more main stream then he prefers, It takes me longer to see people for who they are but if you hadn't been taught any better what do you expect? plus sometimes you need someone to point things out but like me I have to learn the hard way at times. I know that frustrates him but at least I'm willing to learn for myself not because of him.
So I think in section B I have put out there what I am not to Ray but I know that doesn't bother him all that much. I know he is just venting and I know he loves me and wants to be with me. I know things are hard right now but I don't want him to give up on himself or us. If we can make it past this we will be awesome together. I also want him to know that I can't be all those things in section b as he probably knows but I do things he does enjoy doing with his friends and I do like some of his music he has played for me. I can't possibly change me completely because if I was just like him then he could just date himself :) where is the fun in that? LOL plus that isn't what made him fall for me in the first place. I'm willing to improve on a lot of things and behaviors (more of the gay ones) but I can't lose what makes me tick on the other hand. I don't have a problem being less gay or identifying myself first and foremost a gay man, that I can live with out. I just want people to say "Oh there goes Frankie he is a cool guy" without having to put a label on me. I think that explains why I'm into sports as much as I am :) So there are some things I could change and I see that. I'm not doing just to make Ray happy I'm doing it because I'm 40 and it's time to grow up and it would make Ray happy along the way. However, I can't lose myself in the process.
All and all things with us are great. Still need a job but have a feeling that could come soon I hope. I love Ray with all my heart, mind, body and soul. I truly want him to know that he can trust me completely unlike those other gay queens he dated, Simply because I'm just not as gay as they are and I don't play games. I want to marry this man just simply because I love him. To show mine and his friends and family how dedicated I am to him. I just simply can't say it enough and I hope one day he will see I'm not out to hurt him or use him in any way. I just simply want to love on him. We both have been through a lot in our individuals lives and I'm here to tell Ray "Let me in" just let me simply love you.
That is it for the day :)
First off that damn gall bladder is finally out of my body!!! Now I'm working on healing and moving on past this experience. Thank God I have Ray who was there for me at the hospital and home making me feel comfortable. The hardest thing is before surgery I couldn't see him before I went under. They tried to find him and vice versa but it didn't work out that way. All I could think of is that I wanted to see his handsome face one more time in case something went wrong. I could only think about him.